Foro Flamenco
Posts Since Last Visit | Advanced Search | Home | Register | Login

Today's Posts | Inbox | Profile | Our Rules | Contact Admin | Log Out



Welcome to one of the most active flamenco sites on the Internet. Guests can read most posts but if you want to participate click here to register.
This site is dedicated to the memory of Paco de Lucía, Ron Mitchell, Guy Williams, Linda Elvir, Philip John Lee and Craig Eros who went ahead of us too soon.
We receive 12,200 visitors a month from 200 countries and 1.7 million page impressions a year. To advertise on this site please contact us.





A grasshopper walks into a bar.   You are logged in as Guest
Users viewing this topic: none
  Printable Version
All Forums >>Discussions >>Off Topic >> Page: [1]
Login
Message<< Newer Topic  Older Topic >>
 
RobF

Posts: 1114
Joined: Aug. 24 2017
 

A grasshopper walks into a bar. 

Bartender says, “We don’t see too many grasshoppers in here...hey, ya know we have a drink named after you?”

Grasshopper says, “You have a drink named ‘George’?”


Kaaaa-dah-thumpppp....
  REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |  Date Apr. 26 2021 5:31:39
 
RobF

Posts: 1114
Joined: Aug. 24 2017
 

RE: A grasshopper walks into a bar. (in reply to RobF

A horse walks into a bar.

Bartender says, “Hey buddy, why the long face?”


...Crickets....
  REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |  Date Apr. 26 2021 5:32:45
 
RobF

Posts: 1114
Joined: Aug. 24 2017
 

RE: A grasshopper walks into a bar. (in reply to RobF

A string is about to walk into a bar when he sees a sign saying “Strings not served here!”

So, he ties himself into a bow and frazzles up his ends and walks in.

Bartender says, “Sayyy....aren’t you a string?”

String replies, “No. I’m a frayed knot.”


...Cymbal falls off stand....
  REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |  Date Apr. 26 2021 5:34:09
 
RobF

Posts: 1114
Joined: Aug. 24 2017
 

RE: A grasshopper walks into a bar. (in reply to RobF

An old guy shuffles into a bar and asks for a drink to go.

Bartender says, “Here ya go, buddy. Would you like a plastic bag?”

Old guy looks offended and yells, “I’ve got false teeth! Isn’t that bad enough??”


...I’ve got more, but they don’t get any better....
  REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |  Date Apr. 26 2021 5:44:04
 
BarkellWH

Posts: 3239
Joined: Jul. 12 2009
From: Washington, DC

RE: A grasshopper walks into a bar. (in reply to RobF

Henry Ford dies and appears before Saint Peter attempting to gain entry to heaven.

Saint Peter: "In order to enter heaven you must have done something worthwhile during your life on earth. What have you done?"

Henry Ford: "I invented the mass-produced automobile. What did you do to earn your exalted position guarding the gates of heaven?"

Saint Peter: "I invented woman."

Henry Ford: "Not bad engineering, but you placed the intake a little too close to the exhaust."

Bill

_____________________________

And the end of the fight is a tombstone white,
With the name of the late deceased,
And the epitaph drear, "A fool lies here,
Who tried to hustle the East."

--Rudyard Kipling
  REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |  Date Apr. 26 2021 12:46:43
 
rombsix

Posts: 7572
Joined: Jan. 11 2006
From: Beirut, Lebanon

RE: A grasshopper walks into a bar. (in reply to RobF

quote:

An old guy shuffles into a bar and asks for a drink to go.

Bartender says, “Here ya go, buddy. Would you like a plastic bag?”

Old guy looks offended and yells, “I’ve got false teeth! Isn’t that bad enough??”


I didn't get this one...

_____________________________

Ramzi

http://www.youtube.com/rombsix
  REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |  Date Apr. 27 2021 4:23:31
 
Richard Jernigan

Posts: 3122
Joined: Jan. 20 2004
From: Austin, Texas USA

RE: A grasshopper walks into a bar. (in reply to BarkellWH

A New Yorker walks into a hotel bar in Texas. A Texan at the bar is soon bending his ear about the superiority of the state, especially about how everything is bigger there.

After four double shots of whiskey, the northerner asks directions to the men's room.

"Out that door, down the hall. Through the door to the outside, turn left at the swimming pool."

In his somewhat elevated state, the New Yorker misses his footing and falls into the pool.

After a half hour the Texan begins to be concerned. He follows the path to the men's room. Arriving at poolside he finds the New Yorker thrashing about in the water, crying out, "Don't flush it! Don't flush it!"

RNJ
  REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |  Date Apr. 27 2021 4:53:33
 
Escribano

Posts: 6252
Joined: Jul. 6 2003
From: England, living in Italy

RE: A grasshopper walks into a bar. (in reply to rombsix

quote:

I didn't get this one...


For his bladder

_____________________________

Foro Flamenco founder and Admin
  REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |  Date Apr. 27 2021 9:37:59
 
rombsix

Posts: 7572
Joined: Jan. 11 2006
From: Beirut, Lebanon

RE: A grasshopper walks into a bar. (in reply to Escribano

quote:

For his bladder


Ufff... that was far-fetched. In my part of the world, people pee in plastic bottles, not nylon bags (as we call them).

But on a similar note, Lebanese people make jokes about Syrian people from Homs as being very dumb folks. (Of course, they're not all that way, so whoaaaa there tiger, in case you're hyper-sensitive)

One time my cousin was there and bought some milk at a store (that came in a glass bottle). My cousin asked the store clerk to put the milk in a plastic bag for him so he could carry the bottle more easily.

The clerk proceeded to empty the actual milk from the sealed glass bottle directly into the plastic bag then gave him the wobbly plastic bag full of milk.

_____________________________

Ramzi

http://www.youtube.com/rombsix
  REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |  Date Apr. 27 2021 13:53:58
 
BarkellWH

Posts: 3239
Joined: Jul. 12 2009
From: Washington, DC

RE: A grasshopper walks into a bar. (in reply to BarkellWH

Those who remember Charo in her heyday (who, by the way, was and is a very good guitarist) will recall her use of salty language. She once equated eating with sex by noting: "Spooning leads to forking!"

Words to live by, especially with her accent.

Bill

_____________________________

And the end of the fight is a tombstone white,
With the name of the late deceased,
And the epitaph drear, "A fool lies here,
Who tried to hustle the East."

--Rudyard Kipling
  REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |  Date Apr. 27 2021 14:32:55
 
RobF

Posts: 1114
Joined: Aug. 24 2017
 

RE: A grasshopper walks into a bar. (in reply to rombsix

quote:

Ufff... that was far-fetched.... But on a similar note, Lebanese people make jokes about Syrian people from Homs...

Normally I shy away from explaining my bad jokes, but in this case the reference was to a part of the male anatomy. But, maybe it is a regional thing (...another joke, hehehe....nether).

In truth, the jokes were just a vehicle for the thread, which was a mini vignette about a comedian bombing at a club. I dunno, it was 3AM and I couldn’t get back to sleep, lol.
  REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |  Date Apr. 27 2021 17:49:54
 
Estevan

Posts: 1888
Joined: Dec. 20 2006
From: Torontolucía

RE: A grasshopper walks into a bar. (in reply to RobF

quote:

Normally I shy away from explaining my bad jokes, but in this case the reference was to a part of the male anatomy. But, maybe it is a regional thing (...another joke, hehehe....nether).

Indeed, not just the 'nether regions' but the Netherlands. I first came across what I think is the original version of this plastic bag/false teeth quip in a passage from a short story by a Dutch author, whose name escapes me, who (iirc) was particularly associated with portrayals of Amsterdam characters.
This one was a retort by a cranky vendor at a fruit stall to a customer who was buying some apples and asked "Do you have a plastic bag?" "No!" he replied "I have false teeth, isn't that bad enough?"
(That way it actually makes more sense). I laughed a lot.

By the way folks, RobF is here all week...


_____________________________

Me da igual. La música es música.
  REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |  Date Apr. 27 2021 23:35:50
 
estebanana

Posts: 8324
Joined: Oct. 16 2009
 

RE: A grasshopper walks into a bar. (in reply to BarkellWH

quote:

Henry Ford dies and appears before Saint Peter attempting to gain entry to heaven.

Saint Peter: "In order to enter heaven you must have done something worthwhile during your life on earth. What have you done?"

Henry Ford: "I invented the mass-produced automobile. What did you do to earn your exalted position guarding the gates of heaven?"

Saint Peter: "I invented woman."

Henry Ford: "Not bad engineering, but you placed the intake a little too close to the exhaust."

Bill

_____________________________



There’s a coda to this joke, if I may:

SP- Well Mr. Ford, the performance depends upon your dexterity with the stick. Now then, do you have a reservation here?

_____________________________

https://www.stephenfaulkguitars.com
  REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |  Date Apr. 28 2021 0:48:13
 
estebanana

Posts: 8324
Joined: Oct. 16 2009
 

RE: A grasshopper walks into a bar. (in reply to RobF

Always hike with a friend for mutual safety, the buddy system saves lives. For example when you are attacked by a bear there’s no need to run faster than the bear if you are to survive the attack, you simply have to run faster than your friend.

_____________________________

https://www.stephenfaulkguitars.com
  REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |  Date Apr. 28 2021 0:53:35
Page:   [1]
All Forums >>Discussions >>Off Topic >> Page: [1]
Jump to:

New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts


Forum Software powered by ASP Playground Advanced Edition 2.0.5
Copyright © 2000 - 2003 ASPPlayground.NET

9.765625E-02 secs.