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Gastro Intestinal Problems with feeding ramen to my blanca
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srshea
Posts: 833
Joined: Oct. 29 2006
From: Olympia, WA in the Great Pacific Northwest
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 RE: Gastro Intestinal Problems with ... (in reply to estebanana)
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I buy all my ingredients for this at the Grocery Outlet, which is where poor people shop in my state. I forget what the equivalent is down your way since I was actually flush enough to shop at Safeway the last time I was there. Not including the investment in spices and such I think there's maybe two to three bucks worth of food in one big-ass pot.
Open a beer or maybe pour a little glass of sherry. The liquor biz was recently privatized in Washington, so I was able to score eight bottles of Dry Sack on super cheap closeout at the state store, which I had to carry home, because my car broke down for good in December and I can't afford a new one. What am I doing buying imported fortified wine when I should be saving up for a new car? I don't see what that has to do with this recipe, so let's continue.
Caramelize a couple onions in a generous splashing of olive oil.
Chop up some russets while the onions cook. Don't use a waxy potato 'cause your thing will end up soupy instead of stewy. Dice a carrot or two. You can chop some other crap up, a parsnip, celery and so on, but I keep coming back to the simple potato/carrot combo and find that it's nice to keep it simple with just those two.
Oops, you forgot to chop up a few cloves of garlic to toss in when the onions are just about done. You should have held on to that garlic press from years past, which would have saved some time, but you read somewhere that real cooks/men chop, not press, their garlic, so you jettisoned that little guy and have been second guessing that decision ever since.
Dammit, you also forgot to put a kettle of water on so it doesn't go into the pot cold and slow everything down. If you had some stock you'd put that in there instead and it'd taste better, but you're too cheap for that so you'll have to make up for it with extra spices latter on.
Toss the garlic in.
Turn on the faucet to create a wall of white noise and QUIETLY open a can or two of beans, taking care not to arouse the interest of the cats who will come in and demand a treat, distracting you and making you burn your garlic. Besides, those little bastards get enough treats as it is. Now, if you were as broke as you like to pretend you are you'd be cooking from dried beans, but screw that. You can find cans of organic garbanzo, black, and great northerns for one dollar at the G.O. Use a different bean each time and you can pretend you're not eating the same goddamned thing every night.
Dump everything in there, top it off with the water, or stock if you're a Rockerfeller, dump the spice rack into the thing, bay leaf, corriander, cumin, ginger, thyme, basil, Ms. Dash, that tin of pimenton de la vera you had to buy at the store you're supposed to be boycotting because the Grocery Outlet sure doesn't stock that stuff.
Kick up the heat to get it simmering and then kick it back down and put the lid on. You could cook it pretty quick if you wanted, but I like to put it on low heat and let it cook for 45 minutes or so to let everything hang out in the pot for a while. The garbanzos will hold up to plenty of simmering, but the great northerns might dissolve to mush. Who cares?
Keep drinking. Reflect on some of the choices you've made in your life. Get up every once and a while to stir the pot (literally. That's not a metaphor) and knock some of the starch out of the potatoes. Ask yourself if this is "really it." Try to think about what your life might be like a year from now, five years, twenty.
Open another beer or bottle of sherry. Wait a minute, you had eight of those a couple weeks ago and now you're down to only three??
Grind pepper into the pot. Shake a lot of Jane's Crazy Mixed Up Salt in there too. You could taste it at this point, but you've made this crap so many times that you can just eyeball it and you know exactly what it'll taste like.
Dinner is served.
There you go, a recipe everyone can use. How's THAT for a full realization of the Foro's potential?
(edit added later upon reflection) Splash some Lee and Perrins in there. Not enough so's you can actually taste it, but just enough to add a little poor man's umami to the proceedings.
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REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |
Date Jul. 1 2012 0:44:47
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Ron.M
Posts: 7051
Joined: Jul. 7 2003
From: Scotland
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RE: Gastro Intestinal Problems with ... (in reply to Anders Eliasson)
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quote:
So if its a surreal joke,,,,,, then what part is surreal and where is the joke?
Well, basically I thought it was about a guy making a stew out of bits of wood and some onions and wondering why he had a bellyache afterwards.
The surreal part is that the guy also "feeds" the stew to his guitar.
(Like, maybe some character out of a Beckett play..)
Estebanana, regardless of the ingredients etc, a bellyache is your body's secret way of letting you know what you are eating is CRAP. 
cheers,
Ron
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REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |
Date Jul. 1 2012 10:55:42
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