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for our american friends here....
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Ron.M
Posts: 7051
Joined: Jul. 7 2003
From: Scotland
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RE: for our american friends here.... (in reply to TANúñez)
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HaHaHaHa! Tom!! Jeez...that's the best one I've heard for about a year! Brilliant! This is not really a joke, but a bit of an anecdote I heard on the radio from an old guy John Mortimer who spent his whole life as a lawyer in the highest courts in the land. So this lawyer asked the lady witness..... "And what did the accused say to you exactly?" She replied, "Oh...I couldn't possibly repeat it here...it was absolute filth". The Judge remarked that maybe she would find it easier to write down, so a pencil and paper were brought. She wrote down the words "Fancy a screw later?" The Judge instructed that the note be passed to the Jury, who each in turn read it and passed it to the next. One lady juror read it and passed it to the next, quite elderly juror who happened to be asleep. She dug him in the ribs with her elbow and stuck the note in his hand. He woke with a start, read the note, looked at the woman, folded it up and put it in his pocket. The Judge bellowed, "Kindly pass that piece of paper back to the bench!" "Oh...of no relevance your Honor", he said, "Purely a private matter". Not as good as yours, but I liked it! cheers, Ron
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REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |
Date Feb. 21 2008 7:57:51
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TANúñez
Posts: 2559
Joined: Jul. 10 2003
From: TEXAS
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RE: for our american friends here.... (in reply to TANúñez)
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A guy gets home from work one night and hears a voice in his head, which tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." The man is disturbed at what he hears and ignores the voice. But the next day, the same thing happens: The voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." Again the man ignores the voice, but he’s becoming increasingly upset, and the third time he hears the voice, he succumbs to the pressure. He quits his job, sells his house, takes his money, and heads to Las Vegas. The moment the man gets off the plane in Vegas, the voice tells him, "Go to Harrah’s." He hops in a cab and rushes over to the casino, where the voice tells him, "Go to the roulette table." The man does as he is told. When he gets to the roulette table, the voice tells him, "Put all your money on 17." Nervously, the man cashes in all his money for chips and then puts them on 17. "Now watch," says the voice. The dealer wishes the man good luck and spins the roulette wheel. Around and around the ball caroms. The man anxiously watches the ball as it slowly loses speed until finally it settles into number . . . 21. The voice says, "F*ck."
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Tom Núñez www.instagram.com/tanunezguitars
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Date Feb. 21 2008 12:34:27
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flamencoguru
Posts: 271
Joined: Jun. 30 2004
From: West Palm Beach, Florida USA
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RE: for our american friends here.... (in reply to Thomas)
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Here is a good one. ethel and her wheelchair >Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge >around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to >maximum speed on the long corridors. >Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other >residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in. >One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and >Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. 'STOP!,' he >shouted in a firm voice. 'Have you got a license for that thing?' Ethel >fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held >it up to him. 'OK' he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall. >As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold >popped out in front of her and shouted 'STOP! Have you got proof of >insurance?' Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and >held it up to him. Harold nodded and said 'On your way, Ma'am.' >As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front >of her, Butt- Naked, and holding his 'You-Know- What' in his hand. 'Oh, >good grief,' yelled Ethel, 'Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again.!!!' I hope you enjoyed it!! Un saludo, Errol
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Errol Putigna http://www.myspace.com/flamencoguru http://www.youtube.com/flamencoguru
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Date Feb. 22 2008 5:14:03
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TANúñez
Posts: 2559
Joined: Jul. 10 2003
From: TEXAS
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RE: for our american friends here.... (in reply to TANúñez)
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Leaving the poker party, late as usual, two friends compared notes. "I can never fool my wife," the first complained. "I turn off the car’s engine and coast into the garage, take off my shoes, sneak upstairs, and undress in the bathroom. But she always wakes up and yells at me for being out so late and leaving her alone." "You’ve got the wrong technique, my friend," his buddy replied. "I roar into the garage, slam the door, stomp up the steps, rub my hand on my wife’s ass, and ask, ’How ’bout a little?’ and she pretends to be asleep."
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Tom Núñez www.instagram.com/tanunezguitars
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REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |
Date Feb. 23 2008 17:11:33
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