Richard Jernigan -> RE: Discounts (May 1 2014 3:14:30)
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As Ruphus points out, we use the word "gift" to mean something in northern European culture. We translate words in other languages as "gift", but the foreign words in fact mean different things in different cultures. And things that we tacitly expect to give or receive as gifts are carefully accounted for as articles of exchange in other cultures. The idea of a gift in America or northern Europe, which is given with no expectation of return, and no "score keeping" is pretty much absent in some cultures. But I would submit that the idea of a "pure gift" is something of an abstraction, even in American and northern European culture. When we give a gift, we expect at least good will in return. But often we allow for the fact that we may misjudge, and give a gift without receiving the expected good will in return. In this case, we see the responsibility as our own, not the recipient's, if it is not a breach of formally codified etiquette. In my subculture, if you give a wedding gift, it is the height of rudeness for the bride not to send a thank you note. In my subculture it is taboo to account for the commercial value of a gift. But we do it tacitly. In the case of a recent family wedding, I scanned the articles in the bridal registry, with their prices listed, calculated where I stood financially relative to the other guests, and selected a gift accordingly. When I parked at the party after the ceremony, I surveyed the assembled cars to verify my standing. We don't talk about this. It would be the depth of bad manners. But we do it. When it comes to compensation for work in one's trade of profession, in my subculture that is handled punctiliously. There are a number of doctors and lawyers in my immediate and extended families. One would never ask such a person for free advice. I might ask my brother if he would recommend an ophthalmologist, but I would never ask his advice for an eye problem. Nor would he fail to inquire why I thought I needed an eye doctor. But it would be up to him to offer, or not to offer advice. So in my subculture it would be way, way out of line to expect a discount on a guitar from someone I had given some tools or wood. But as Ruphus points out, there are cultures in which our idea of a gift is almost non-existent, between people who are unrelated. People keep score, in some detail. Within families, what we might see as gifts are more like obligations. A constant source of friction in the Marshall Islands were the differing definitions of personal property and borrowing. If you didn't lock your bicycle, you would return after a few hours to find it gone. To an American this was theft. To a Marshallese, this was borrowing the bicycle to get to the port in time to catch the boat home. After all, presumably the "owner" of the bicycle had time to catch the bus, get to the port in fifteen minutes or less and reclaim the bicycle. But the boat home for the Marshallese left port on a strict schedule, and he might not have time to wait fifteen minutes for the bus or to walk to the port. There are no private cars on the military base. If you had a certain status on the American scale, you could sign out the keys to a government pickup truck and go to the port to pick up your bicycle. This was against government regulations, and there were regular directives from the base commander to this effect, but the local cops knew better than to try to enforce it--or to try to arrest bicycle "thieves." The Marshallese manager of the rental marina was a friend of mine. One day we were surveying my new boathouse and lot, one of his responsibilities. When this was done, he asked me, "Jernigan, why did John E. take my boat?" I replied, "Some people say you were not making the monthly payments, so he took the boat back." This was quite likely. Marshallese men with jobs went to the bank, cashed their paychecks and gave all the cash to their wives. She might hand him back a little walking around money, but not much. Then she stood outside the door and handed out money to the relatives lined up to receive their share. Marshallese men, even with very good jobs seldom had any cash. My friend replied, "Then I want my lobsters back." "What lobsters?" I asked. He had been assigning one of his unemployed relatives to catch lobsters, and had been giving them to John E. at a rate that exceeded the value of what he owed on the boat each month. Lobsters were a delicacy to Americans. The very few I knew of who tried to catch them had no practical success. "I'm afraid John E. must not have a line in his check book to write down 'lobsters'. " My friend's eyes clouded briefly with tears at the injustice. I told him that if he expected to barter, he must explain it, and agree to a very specific bargain with the white people, who were utterly unaccustomed to it. And he should be prepared for them to reject the idea of barter and demand money. My friend is very intelligent, over forty years old, and deals with white people every day, but his tacit expectation that a white person would automatically understand a barter transaction had led to severe disappointment. I walk around my neighborhood here in Austin just about every morning. Today I read that 88% of the people over 25 year old have college degrees, 36 percent have advanced degrees. There are a sprinkling of people from India with very well paying jobs, judging from their houses and cars. The men dress American style, the older women often retain Indian style. Some of the older women have learned the American habit of smiling and speaking to strangers or casual acquaintances they meet while out walking, others retain the Indian manners of not acknowledging the presence of men outside their family. It seems quite natural to me, having been exposed to a variety of gender dictated manners. If it's a woman who does not speak, I am careful to avoid eye contact. Some of my neighbors complain of the "snootiness" of some of the Indian women. "It's like they must think they are better than we are," one complains. He is a full professor of English literature at the University, a well travelled cultural sophisticate in American/European terms. I have been traveling regularly to Mexico for the last 72 years, beginning when I used to go with my parents or grandparents. I speak the language well enough not to think about it most of the time. When I come back to the USA I find myself translating signs into Spanish. My familiarity with Mexican customs and attitudes is much the same. Yet if I stay in Mexico for a couple of weeks, something is almost sure to happen that will infuriate me. The anger is not at the action or attitude of the Mexican, even if I end up feeling I have been taken advantage of. The anger is at myself, saying, "I should have seen that one coming, I know how to avoid that." Usually a single jarring episode is enough to switch me over. Then things can run smoothly in Mexico for several weeks afterward. RNJ
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