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Ruphus -> RE: My baby left me (Nov. 19 2011 14:44:47)
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I´m late to this thread ( first thought it to be about someone having losts / sold a guitar; then, after actually looking into it, there was no time to adequately gather thoughts).
There is nothing that I could add to the comments above, which all are on spot, eventhough being so different from each other.
I only want o say that it really touched me to read of what happened to you, Ron. And I talked about it to my best friend last night ( who BTW is about to separate from his wife himself, after 25 years and two kids; which however differs in that his wife is a true bonehead eversince / him facing the situation "stable" to a degree ).
Had it a couple of times myself, with relationships that had been of some years each. And while the situations were unspeakably for me, yours after so many ears without question must be without words.
I used to distract myself, mingle with people around and in the city ( years of being barfly ).
When wrecked like that, likely turning from an entertaining person to just a blury shadow of oneself, apparently the surrounding chaff gets divided from the wheat ( as we say in German ).
And sometimes it is surprising to see who of whom you thought to be dear friends turn out to be indifferent, and who on the other hand show to be attentive and supportive eventhough you ( now ashamed) used to consider them only peripheral in your personal surrounding.
What helped a bit practically was the awareness that time passing changes a lot / future can bear chances that one just can´t imagine during the black hole situation.
Another very importaint point that become clear to me is that whether being engaged with some action or not, makes a world of a difference.
For, with the privilege of dedicating himself to some kind of work of personal interest or passion, one shows to suffer less and recover much faster .
Stranded relationships tought me about my shortcomings and helped me with learning a lot, but looking back also had me realize sober shortcomings of some of my ex-girlfriends.
With today, through the distance wondering how some of them could have me crash at all. ( Actually, appreciating in the aftermath that there occured parting from partners who certainly admirable, personable and impressive with their individual strengths, just weren´t the type of spirit that actually fits well to an individual bloke like me.)
Some failure of relationships might not really have to do with good or bad ( betrayal, unprincipled / unappreciative being etc.), but more often than not there happens something outside of morals frame; noone can be blaimed for. Out of a sudden someone falling in love with someone else ( or just with a fancied image for that matter ), unable to control things for the sake of fairness, justice or reason.
As the one left behind one´s usually devastated. And just as usually you don´t know what to do best about it. Fight to win back, or let go.
Hardly have I seen examples of fighting to bring back the partner for good. Instead countless examples of struggling to retrieve, which only inflated the situation to the opposite.
The vast majority of us, regardless of intellectual achievement, in the end tend to remain ordinary creatures that emotionally function by a law of availability correlation to value. A loving person rather won´t see, nor wants to take notice of how ordinary backgrounds of a beloved individual can be. And things are very understandably being that way.
I like how openly you show your feelings and fragility, hoping in the same time that there be a general tendency towards such unashamed reveal with the zeitgeist.
Whatever your insights and conclusions be, only don´t allow the feeling of inferiourity to come over you.
You have your dignity, and the feedback on the foro at the latest should support realizing that.
After all, of the billions out there, there must be countless of enchanting fairys who would love to share their time and lifes with you, if they only knew of your patent and latent qualities.
Your idea of moving to Andalusia could be a very good one in general.
Just saw a docu that showed the British expat community there, and they seem to socialize pretty well, enjoying themselves in admirable ways.
Going to there is a considered option for me too since years.
Should it become reality one day and the foro still exist, I shall try to find you for zipping some local grape juice and jam a note or two.
Phoenix may rise from the ashes!
Ruphus
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