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But I have a quick question. Friend of me is writing an english song text. We had this little discussions about how to say certain things: Is the following correct english ?:
-she's like a skipping bird. -mother was tenderly living. -wherever you go, you will always show. ( about a dead person, I beg you )
RE: experts on english please !!! (in reply to koella)
nice, but i mean it much more simplistic. What I mean is, can you say these things in english. I know "tenderly loving" but "tenderly living" is that genuine english ?
And, can a bird skip ?
You know, more the choice of words.
"forever you'll show". can you say that about a dead mother. Isn't that more something for jesus or god....or buddha of course haha.
RE: experts on english please !!! (in reply to koella)
None of these phrases have meaning in English. They seem to be a literal translation from the original. They need to be translated by a native English speaker, who understands the original language.
RE: experts on english please !!! (in reply to koella)
I am certain you have all the skills you need.
As Morante said you need to be conversant in both languages and that takes time.
I am barely proficient in one.
I checked with the Lyrics of Jimmy Hendrix Little Wing
'Well she's walking through the clouds With a circus mind That's running wild Butterflies and zebras and moonbeams And fairly tales,'
They are very strange English but the work with the song.
I would need to know the song, I always do need to know it.
But you know it and the results will be as good as the time you put in.
Sure I fixed some of the grammar and tenses and made a guess at who the narrator was supposed be. Also I had to guess who the audience might be and which parts referred to the deceased and which to the audience.
But I left alone questionable metaphors and imagery because they are often useful for style and because they may be personal to the writer.
Take this song title.
'I Wish I Knew How It Feels to be Free'
It is rerrible English but sings really well. It isn't apparent just how well it sings till you know the tune.
I don't think you should be too fussy about whether the grammar is perfect if result is a song you like then that is enough. With a bit of luck you will still like it in a few years time.
If your friend can't take your advice then maybe you should work on different things and separately for the sake of friendship.
Anyway sorry for the long wordy post, I know how it annoys you when I go on.
RE: experts on english please !!! (in reply to koella)
Hey Koella—the first two phrases are perfectly fine. I'm not familiar with the phrase "you will always show." What I mean is, it does not invoke death in the English speaker's mind. Gramatically it is correct, but without more context, that phrase makes the English speaker ask the question, "show what?" or, "show how?"
If we were speaking, we would normally say "living tenderly," but I quite enjoy the inversion, and think you should keep it the way it is. And of course, a bird can skip—that doesn't sound weird at all.
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Joined: Nov. 7 2008
From: New York City/San Francisco
RE: experts on english please !!! (in reply to koella)
Wher[e]ever you are. It won't be to[o] far You will carry on. Your heart was so strong Wher[e]ever you go. You'll be glad to know Forever you'll show, in our mind and our soul
I took the liberty to point out a couple of typos above.
As a general commentary, I agree with GuitarBuddha that there is a degree of license a lyricist can take, in contempt of any and all grammatical rules. However, and of course, such freedom is best exercised as an informed choice, rather than by either chance or mistake.
They are lovely lyrics, but now you must let us hear how they sound with music to match !!
RE: experts on english please !!! (in reply to koella)
@Buddha: haha, doesn't annoy me. I forgot about that chapter a long time ago. Hmmmm ... btw ....strange avatar for someone who stopped drinking a long time ago You see Buddha ... even trolls can change.
Posts: 1531
Joined: Nov. 7 2008
From: New York City/San Francisco
RE: experts on english please !!! (in reply to koella)
quote:
well the music without voice you can hear here:
I find it so enjoyable, Koella. There is the distant influence of Vicente Amigo in some of the more pained phrases. It strikes me as a beautiful slow "baile" but flavorfully celtic, as if aged in whiskey barrels.
I love how confidently your theme returns at 2:08. I replayed it back a few times. It is so pretty, that I fear it would be easier to ruin it than to embellish it by adding a voice.
RE: experts on english please !!! (in reply to koella)
Nice playing, I think I am beginning to appreciate you technique more . And of course I enjoyed the humour in the video immensely.
While, like Mitch, I am hearing the violins (do they ever stop ?). I think that a voice might just fit. Not singing though. Here are the words by Norman McKaig who is actually an expert in English, as I am not.
Everywhere she dies. Everywhere I go she dies. No sunrise, no city square, no lurking beautiful mountain but has her death in it. The silence of her dying sounds through the carousel of language. It’s a web on which laughter stitches itself. How can my hand clasp another’s when between them is that thick death, that intolerable distance?
She grieves for my grief. Dying, she tells me that bird dives from the sun, that fish leaps into it. No crocus is carved more gently than the way her dying shapes my mind. – But I hear, too, the other words, black words that make the sound of soundlessness, that name the nowhere she is continuously going into.
Ever since she died she can’t stop dying. She makes me her elegy. I am a walking masterpiece, a true fiction of the ugliness of death. I am her sad music.
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From: Washington DC
RE: experts on english please !!! (in reply to koella)
quote:
forever you'll show, in our mind and soul
how about: you will never be apart, from our mind, soul and heart. (technically it should be "my" instead of our, or else you add s' to each word which is not good for singing).
RE: experts on english please !!! (in reply to koella)
Thank you so much Ricardo. So nice to see you here again I hope you'r still doing well with your music and " what's this thing called working ?" I'll never forget that haha.
RE: experts on english please !!! (in reply to koella)
Koella, that's a wonderful composition. It reminds me a lot of a track from Show Of Hand's superb instrumental album "The Path" which uses some similar harmonic movements. Here is a different track from the same album with a very different feel. Hope you like it.
RE: experts on english please !!! (in reply to koella)
Geez guts, those compliments make me think. All this music here on my harddisk. When I'm gone they will throw it away and that's it, gone forever. Wish I had a little more ambition and a selling-door-to-door mentality.. Well, I guess it just doesn't fit me.
RE: experts on english please !!! (in reply to koella)
Show of Hands are a very talented folk due from Chudleigh in Devon (an old stomping ground of mine). They are made up of singer song writer Steve Knightly and fiddle virtuoso Phil Beer. I'm stuggling to find that song title right now because my cat is determined14 89]` to walk on the keyboard. "The Path" refers to the coastal foot path of South West England. All the song titles are place names. It's a very beautiful, relaxed and evocative album featuring more than one seagull.
Among their other albums worth checking out are Dark Fields (includes a great duet with an angel from Yorkshire called Kate Rushby), Beat About The Bush and Cold Frontiers.
Some of Phil Beer's trademark tracks to show off his highly honed fiddling skills include The Galway Farmer and The Blind Fiddler - both off some of their older albums. Here's a live version...
Another classic of theirs, Cousin Jack, tells the story of Cornish tin miners and their emigration to the new world when the tin industry collapsed.
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