Give yourself permission to fail

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Miguel de Maria

Posts: 3532
Joined: Oct. 20 2003
From: Phoenix, AZ

Give yourself permission to fail

Guys, just picked up The Inner Game of Music, an adaptation of the famous 70's era The Inner Game of Tennis. Now, I would be just as likely to get How to Strum Chords for Dummies as this book, but thumbing through it, I found it might be useful. You see, guys, I have to confess: I don't play as good as I should. I have felt for a long time that one, my public performances are far below my potential, and two, my amount and quality of practice should have advanced my skills further than they have. The fact that the book addresses these two concerns compelled me to buy it.

One of the interesting concepts is giving oneself permission to fail. Now that sounds easy enough, doesn't it? But why would you do that?

The idea is that by mentally giving yourself permission to fail, you cancel out the little voice in your head (the Self 1, they call it), always doubting, always timid, always afraid to screw up. This little voice saps your skill and strength and is distracting besides. To me, it's like in sports: the favorite sometimes plays "tight," they aren't agressive enough. The underdog can sometimes forget themselves, play loose, just have fun. They don't care about losing because they're supposed to lose. The get out there and play natural, without self-doubt. This is the essence of this technique.

In my practice this morning and last night using this concept, I have improved markedly. I just say, "You can fail, it's okay," and then go for it. You can probably guess that once I do that, I don't fail. My fingers just do it. Oh, maybe I miss one, but then I note where and how I missed it, and adjust. Once I adjust, I don't miss it any more.

I encourage any of youse guys who is in a similar position to me to give this one a try. While you're playing a piece, give yourself permission to fail. You'll be surprised to find you don't!

REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE | Date Aug. 28 2003 16:57:20

Merle

Posts: 218
Joined: Jul. 6 2003

RE: Give yourself permission to fail (in reply to Miguel de Maria)

Good advice, Michael! Trying to be a perfectionist at anything can lead to lots of frustration!

By giving yourself "permission to fail", you will actually learn. I mean, if you never fail, how do you learn?

By the way, I bet you play really good without realizing it! Remember the cliche, "we are our greatest critics"!! ;>)

Merle

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REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE | Date Aug. 28 2003 19:05:04

Thomas Whiteley

Posts: 786
Joined: Jul. 8 2003
From: San Francisco Bay Area

RE: Give yourself permission to fail (in reply to Miguel de Maria)

Michael;

Something I learned from my teacher about performing is if you make a mistake just keep on going. It may have helped to have had that particular teacher when I was six. Also, it took a few years until I applied and understood what this actually meant! I notice I have made my fair share of mistakes but I followed her advice and I am still going!

My brother and I are both classically trained which began when we were young. We grew up listening to every note. When even the worlds greatest artists would perform in San Francisco, my brother and I would criticize any and all mistakes. “Did you hear that “G” in the third bar? Missed it completely and hit G#!” I think Bill and I sounded like two brothers on a television show called “Fraiser”! Well, one day we grew up and realized it was more fun to be entertained than to wait for the next mistake. People are only human and they will make mistakes.

_____________________________

Tom
http://home.comcast.net/~flamencoguitar/flamenco.html

REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE | Date Aug. 29 2003 0:47:26

Phil

Posts: 382
Joined: Jul. 7 2003
From: Rota, Spain

RE: Give yourself permission to fail (in reply to Miguel de Maria)

Michael,
I'll have to give that a try at the next cante accompaniment class. Tonight I fell flat on my face trying to accompany a singer por Solea in front of about 12 other guitarists. It actually bothered me so much that I was pissed off at myself on the 30 minute drive home.

Thanks,
Phil

REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE | Date Aug. 29 2003 2:00:44

Jon Boyes

Posts: 1377
Joined: Jul. 10 2003

RE: Give yourself permission to fail (in reply to Miguel de Maria)

Excellent advice - I have this book too

This kind of attitude helped me enormously when I started to play in front of people. I always get nerves before a gig, and used to feel crippled when I made a mistake, it was like "Oh my god! I don't believe I just did that, what will people think?! That was terrible! What an awful place to do a bum note!" etc etc

Of course, the minute you start thinking along those lines in a performance you are dead meat, because the music has moved on, and you need to move with it.

Now if I make a fluff, I just smile or raise an eyebrow and carry on, I don't care about the occasional fluff becuase I do not expect to play as well as I do at home. 85% as well is a reasonable target.

The reality is that audiences will not recognise most mistakes anyway.

Jon

REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE | Date Aug. 29 2003 8:52:20