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Posts: 3480
Joined: Jul. 12 2009
From: Washington, DC
RE: A grasshopper walks into a bar. (in reply to RobF)
Henry Ford dies and appears before Saint Peter attempting to gain entry to heaven.
Saint Peter: "In order to enter heaven you must have done something worthwhile during your life on earth. What have you done?"
Henry Ford: "I invented the mass-produced automobile. What did you do to earn your exalted position guarding the gates of heaven?"
Saint Peter: "I invented woman."
Henry Ford: "Not bad engineering, but you placed the intake a little too close to the exhaust."
Bill
_____________________________
And the end of the fight is a tombstone white, With the name of the late deceased, And the epitaph drear, "A fool lies here, Who tried to hustle the East."
Posts: 3471
Joined: Jan. 20 2004
From: Austin, Texas USA
RE: A grasshopper walks into a bar. (in reply to BarkellWH)
A New Yorker walks into a hotel bar in Texas. A Texan at the bar is soon bending his ear about the superiority of the state, especially about how everything is bigger there.
After four double shots of whiskey, the northerner asks directions to the men's room.
"Out that door, down the hall. Through the door to the outside, turn left at the swimming pool."
In his somewhat elevated state, the New Yorker misses his footing and falls into the pool.
After a half hour the Texan begins to be concerned. He follows the path to the men's room. Arriving at poolside he finds the New Yorker thrashing about in the water, crying out, "Don't flush it! Don't flush it!"
RE: A grasshopper walks into a bar. (in reply to Escribano)
quote:
For his bladder
Ufff... that was far-fetched. In my part of the world, people pee in plastic bottles, not nylon bags (as we call them).
But on a similar note, Lebanese people make jokes about Syrian people from Homs as being very dumb folks. (Of course, they're not all that way, so whoaaaa there tiger, in case you're hyper-sensitive)
One time my cousin was there and bought some milk at a store (that came in a glass bottle). My cousin asked the store clerk to put the milk in a plastic bag for him so he could carry the bottle more easily.
The clerk proceeded to empty the actual milk from the sealed glass bottle directly into the plastic bag then gave him the wobbly plastic bag full of milk.
Posts: 3480
Joined: Jul. 12 2009
From: Washington, DC
RE: A grasshopper walks into a bar. (in reply to BarkellWH)
Those who remember Charo in her heyday (who, by the way, was and is a very good guitarist) will recall her use of salty language. She once equated eating with sex by noting: "Spooning leads to forking!"
Words to live by, especially with her accent.
Bill
_____________________________
And the end of the fight is a tombstone white, With the name of the late deceased, And the epitaph drear, "A fool lies here, Who tried to hustle the East."
RE: A grasshopper walks into a bar. (in reply to rombsix)
quote:
Ufff... that was far-fetched.... But on a similar note, Lebanese people make jokes about Syrian people from Homs...
Normally I shy away from explaining my bad jokes, but in this case the reference was to a part of the male anatomy. But, maybe it is a regional thing (...another joke, hehehe....nether).
In truth, the jokes were just a vehicle for the thread, which was a mini vignette about a comedian bombing at a club. I dunno, it was 3AM and I couldn’t get back to sleep, lol.
RE: A grasshopper walks into a bar. (in reply to RobF)
quote:
Normally I shy away from explaining my bad jokes, but in this case the reference was to a part of the male anatomy. But, maybe it is a regional thing (...another joke, hehehe....nether).
Indeed, not just the 'nether regions' but the Netherlands. I first came across what I think is the original version of this plastic bag/false teeth quip in a passage from a short story by a Dutch author, whose name escapes me, who (iirc) was particularly associated with portrayals of Amsterdam characters. This one was a retort by a cranky vendor at a fruit stall to a customer who was buying some apples and asked "Do you have a plastic bag?" "No!" he replied "I have false teeth, isn't that bad enough?" (That way it actually makes more sense). I laughed a lot.
RE: A grasshopper walks into a bar. (in reply to RobF)
Always hike with a friend for mutual safety, the buddy system saves lives. For example when you are attacked by a bear there’s no need to run faster than the bear if you are to survive the attack, you simply have to run faster than your friend.