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RE: A question about social anxiety
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BarkellWH
Posts: 3458
Joined: Jul. 12 2009
From: Washington, DC
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 RE: A question about social anxiety (in reply to estebanana)
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quote:
If you ever want to split a bottle of scotch three ways between you me and Bill, well name the venue. I'll drink at Weil Hall, or Wigmore or ........or ..or ......
Reminds me of an incident that occurred very early in my Foreign Service career as a young officer serving at the American Embassy in Manila. As you will see, it did not involve either stage fright or social anxiety, but a slug of scotch, or something, probably would have helped.
The Manila Embassy compound had a restaurant/bar/club, and we presented a talent show one Saturday night in which I participated. this was before I could play flamenco (that only came after retirement from the Foreign Service), but I was still in my "three chord progression" versions of folk music. I had planned to sing "The Sloop John B" as my contribution. The performer just before my act was the beautiful Chilean wife of my boss, whose gig was a Tahitian dance, complete with headdress, grass skirt, and skimpy bra-top.
Gigi got up on the stage and for a full five minutes danced with nubile body and erotic moves. She captivated everyone, including me to the point where when it was my turn right after her performance, I forgot half the words to "The Sloop John B." I apologized, suggesting that the previous performance had caused the synaptic impulses in my brain to misfire. Quickly recovering, however, I launched into the song "Jamaica Farewell" and was able to sing it through from start to finish without a problem. While I did not win the talent competition, I got a huge applause at the end because everyone in the club understood completely what had happened.
Bill
_____________________________
And the end of the fight is a tombstone white,
With the name of the late deceased,
And the epitaph drear, "A fool lies here,
Who tried to hustle the East."
--Rudyard Kipling
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Date Feb. 22 2016 16:28:52
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El Kiko
Posts: 2697
Joined: Jun. 7 2010
From: The South Ireland
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RE: A question about social anxiety (in reply to jg7238)
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The funny thing about this is that how you see yourself is very different from how others see you ...
for example . I think you have a great flamenco feel, sound and ability ...so if I could play as good as you , i would be so much more confident and be out playing more ,, and yet you seem less confident , with the abilities that I lack ..if you see what I mean ...
So a big surprise to me that you would have social anxiety , I suppose i thought such a great player , who must have done a lot of work to get where you are , and have quite a bit of natural ability , would be much more confident in playing .
Perhaps you could try to see yourself as others do ...try playing and getting feedback from total strangers , see if you can get a picture of how you are perceived as oppose to how you perceive yourself ....it may be very different ...
I knew a guy once that wouldn't go out with more than 2 people , cos 3 was too many....
How can 3 be too many , i asked him once ....
he said ...cos everyone is 3 people
1...You that you think you are
2...You that people think you are
3...You that you really are
so 3 would be 9 for him ....of course he was totally mad , and often referred to as mad Terry
However , of the 3 I think you are concentrating on 1...You that you think you are ,,and I think you should get to know and appreciate 2...You that people think you are
Maybe
_____________________________
Don't trust Atoms.....they make up everything.
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Date Feb. 22 2016 16:45:03
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Blondie#2
Posts: 530
Joined: Sep. 14 2010
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RE: A question about social anxiety (in reply to Mark2)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jg7238
The difficult part is transitioning from that solitary state to encountering crowds.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Mark2
Baby Steps Juan. Put yourself in a low pressure situation and gradually move the needle to where you need it to be.
Exactly. Careful controlled exposure eg.
-when you practice, visualise and imagine the neighbours listening intently to what you are playing
-you say one of the issues is noise, practice playing in noisy environments - turn up that TV of yours, put the stereo on
-invite a friend round, pick up your guitar and play them a piece. Now say for fun you will play the same piece, but you want them to try and distract you by making loud random noises. Have fun with this, make it a game, if they put you off you buy them a beer or something. The fun aspect is important, choose the right friend.
-next time at a social gathering eg family, pick up your guitar and say you'd like some feedback on a piece of music you are working on. Play something EASY you could play blindfolded and know inside out. Now ask them to clap along to something (noise), choose a fun piece they can get into. I have done demos to school kids where I teach them very simple tangos palmas (silent, clap, clap, clap) and then once they get it, start playing along.
-take your guitar somewhere public but informal with no audience eg the park, prepare 3 or 4 numbers (again, easy ones) sit on a bench and play them. Get talking to people, it will help bridge that disconnect and help your subconscious not see them as a threat
-busk, for longer, in a noisier environment, eg. busy street, for 30 mins. Talk to people.
-go along to a small open mic night, again prep one or two very easy pieces. TALK to the audience. Introduce the music and respond to their applause.
-mental exercises (visualisation) throughout where you regularly walk yourself through the whole process of playing a short set on stage, hearing the noise, seeing the people, and listening to yourself play the excellent quality music you know you can play, and watching/hearing it all go really well.
Get the idea? Its simply building up the pressure of people and noise but keeping you in control and helping break down those barriers.
If you still struggle with this, a hypotherapist could help or an NLP practitioner.
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Date Feb. 23 2016 10:41:30
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Richard Jernigan
Posts: 3430
Joined: Jan. 20 2004
From: Austin, Texas USA
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RE: A question about social anxiety (in reply to Grisha)
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Grisha-
Having met you and seen you perform on three occasions, I never would have suspected. The first time, at a house concert with an audience of sixty people, Larisa remarked on how much fun you and Jerome Mouffe had playing. She also remarked on how she enjoyed her brief conversation with you (in Russian) and what a nice guy you were.
The second time was at a master class you and Jerome put on at the Butler School of Music at the the University of Texas at Austin. The players were from Adam Holzman's studio. You gave thoughtful and helpful comments to each student, and everyone was fascinated by the rasgueado lesson Adam especially invited you to give. I spoke to you afterwards, and you showed me your new guitar.
Looking back, the sympathy and advice you gave to one obviously nervous student particularly resonates.
The third time was at the public concert you and Jerome put on for the Austin Classical Guitar Society, with an audience of several hundred. You and Jerome were magnificent. I really enjoyed the concert, as did everyone else I spoke to.
All these were magnificent examples of overcoming the difficulties you describe, to the extent I would never have suspected you were the least bit nervous. Bravo! Keep up the good work. We enjoy your playing and value your teaching.
RNJ
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Date Feb. 23 2016 21:43:36
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Ruphus
Posts: 3782
Joined: Nov. 18 2010
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RE: A question about social anxiety (in reply to Piwin)
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Anxiety in Grisha´s videos, specially the very early ones, appeared obvious to me, but more than that the bravery with which he would overcome the challenge and play perfectly notwithstanding.
I estimate anxiety to often be bound to sophistication. When you have a somewhat extensive overlook on what´s been accomplished already within a subject then you refuse to see yourself as outstanding.
More even when you are not only analytical but a humble visitor of the planet like Grisha appears to be.
And ironically vice versa with folks who have no clue about what is demanding and what isn´t.
Just yesterday on a Frrench TV channel that has a series where they introduce often times interesting music acts, there was shown a girl who dares to gig with a guitarist and a keyboarder while she sings and engages some gadget to trigger weird sound samples.
The guitarist, total entry level autodidact, plucking three chords in the way it momentarily suits his right hand with managing the pick, while aching to sort of blues pattern. The keyboarder trying to make up for the mess with synth sounds and grid, and she singing over it sans connection to pitch and rhythm.
And here comes the funny part. Interviewed by the respectful moderator, she totally relaxed claims to have blended rap and contemporary styles with African music from where she stems from. Obviously firmly counting with an idiot audience.
Moderator: "Was it easy to bring these styles together?"
Her: "No! It took me over three years to figure out how to do that."
Hilarious! 
Kakophonian dumbs who know no sh!t lazing under spotlight as apparent genius, and on the other hand accomplished artists with stagefright.
Guess that´s how things ought to be.
Ruphus
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Date Feb. 24 2016 10:04:05
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Ricardo
Posts: 14801
Joined: Dec. 14 2004
From: Washington DC
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RE: A question about social anxiety (in reply to jg7238)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jg7238
quote:
and specifically have a huge stage fright issue.
Grisha, I have to agree with Richard. I would have never known that either. In your concert videos, you always seem so relaxed and enjoying yourself when performing. I don't think I've ever heard you miss a note (or go out of compas) but I've heard Paco fluff some notes here and there. So you having stage fright is kind of puzzling to me frankly. @Piwin: I'll look into that, thanks... @Blondie#2: Thanks for your pointers. I will look into those suggestions.@Mark2: Thank you. I need to expand on my repertoire which leads to another problem. I don't practice enough... I really would hate to think that after all of these years of playing, my passion, spark has gone down. Scary feeling but I refuse to believe that right now. Anyway, I will take in all of these suggestions pointed out here. Ok, time for a glass of Cognac now... Small glass that is.
Go out and get a gig, solo guitar. Weekly is ideal, where you just sit and work through your rep in a restaurant or something as low key background music. You will be forced to deal with people then, without the icy cold feeling of being on stage everybody tight lipped and staring at you. And once in a while people will actually pay attention and you can feel the nerves creep in...it's great way to overcome stage fright stuff and deal with large groups of people.
_____________________________
CD's and transcriptions available here:
www.ricardomarlow.com
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Date Feb. 24 2016 16:30:37
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JonathanMtz
Posts: 26
Joined: Apr. 26 2015
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 RE: A question about social anxiety (in reply to jg7238)
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jg7238,
I've been having this problem myself for a long long time. It was extremely hard
to overcome. At this point in my life, I can honestly say that nervousness, or social anxiety, never decreases, you only become more resistant to it. My humble advice would be to engage in activities that force you to act under social pressure such as telling jokes or stories between your pieces. At first it's going to seem impossible, and people notice that, but trust me it gets better. As a soloist singer I had to overcome this when I was very young, I had to learn how to project the song's meaning with my body and energy. I used to cry and sweat and completely screw up my performance, but with repetition, practice, and time I was able to somewhat "forget" about me and focus on the performance but I still cried and sweat all the time just before my performance started.
When I get up in stage I just literally forget everything and devote completely to my performance. This was one of the hardest things to achieve in my life and I can still remember the process to this day. It's life changing, to the point that now I have two personalities, the performing me and the normal, shy, and timid me.
Hope that helps!
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Date Feb. 25 2016 17:55:04
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Ruphus
Posts: 3782
Joined: Nov. 18 2010
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RE: A question about social anxiety (in reply to Piwin)
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Saw a documentray about mathematics, dealing with its subject, didactics and people.
Plenty of these people to be seen in footage of congress etc., and they all had the geek vibe, very much fitting Paco´s description.
One could try drawing a line to the fact that both subjects, math and music engage the same regions in the brain, but I suppose the parallel to simply be lying in the fact that dedication to something of great inner focussing takes a lot of practising alone.
It could explain why chess players and computer and electronic nerds tend to be geekish too.
From there I suppose, blessed are those who live in a surrounding of mates in the subject. Like the Romeros (seemed to), gitanos appear to, or students in a conservatory´s dormitory may, where everyone fiddles around, practises together and meets each other in between.
Ruphus
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Date Mar. 1 2016 8:57:39
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