Welcome to one of the most active flamenco sites on the Internet. Guests can read most posts but if you want to participate click here to register.
This site is dedicated to the memory of Paco de Lucía, Ron Mitchell, Guy Williams, Linda Elvira, Philip John Lee, Craig Eros, Ben Woods, David Serva and Tom Blackshear who went ahead of us.
We receive 12,200 visitors a month from 200 countries and 1.7 million page impressions a year. To advertise on this site please contact us.
|
|
|
Made me laugh
|
You are logged in as Guest
|
|
Users viewing this topic: none
|
|
Login  | |
|
   
Jim Opfer
Posts: 1876
Joined: Jul. 19 2003
From: Glasgow, Scotland.
|
 Made me laugh
|
|
|
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
A set of jump leads walk into a bar.
The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says:
'A beer please, and one for the road.'
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
'Does this taste funny to you ?'
Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'
That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.
Is it common ?
Well, It's Not Unusual.
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.'
I don't believe you, says Dolly.
It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs !'
The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your arms !'
I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
What do you call a fish with no eyes ?
A fsh.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, 'Dam !'
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were a bit cold, so they lit a fire in the craft.
It sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel,and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
But why, they asked, as they moved off.
Because, he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.
A woman has twins, and gives them
up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.'
The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.'
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture,
she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture
of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, 'They're twins ! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath.
This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ......
A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
And finally;
There was the person who sent twenty different puns to her friends,
with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
|
|
|
|
REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |
Date May 7 2009 1:29:20
 |
|
John O.
Posts: 1723
Joined: Dec. 16 2005
From: Seeheim-Jugenheim, Germany
|
|
RE: Made me laugh (in reply to minordjango)
|
|
|
I love this kind of silly stuff! Deadpan humor, too. I'm a huge Steven Wright fan:
"All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand."
"How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?"
"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy."
"Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now."
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
"Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?"
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up."
"Change is inevitable....except from vending machines."
"If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments."
"Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route."
"I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues
that are in all the other museums."
"When I get bored I go to a Seven-Eleven and ask for a two-by-four and a box of three-by-fives."
"The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les."
"I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers. He hates New York."
"I had my coathangers spayed."
"I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said
to the guy, "Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is
traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything
happen?" He said, "I don't know." I said, "I don't want your job.""
"My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me."
"It's a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they'd just stay
right up there. Hunters would be all confused."
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm
the only one moving."
"When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five
minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice."
And my all-time favorite:
"One Christmas, my grandfather gave me a box of broken glass. He gave my brother a box of bandaids. Then he said to us, "Now, you two share." When I was little he asked me how old I was. I said, "Five." He said, "When I was your age, I was six." Then he cackled madly and threw a spoon against the window."
_____________________________
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things
|
|
|
|
REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |
Date May 7 2009 3:56:16
|
|
Andy Culpepper
Posts: 3023
Joined: Mar. 30 2009
From: NY, USA
|
|
RE: Made me laugh (in reply to Jim Opfer)
|
|
|
God Steven Wright is a freaking GENIUS. I love that deadpan stuff. He also makes some pretty cool short films. Demetri Martin is another guy who kind of copied Steven Wright's style a little bit but he has some great lines as well..
I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you’re really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you’re saying: ‘Hope I don’t get chased today.’ Be nice to people in sneakers.
I saw a guy at a party wearing a leather jacket and I thought, ‘That is cool.’ But then I saw another guy wearing a leather vest and I thought, ‘That is not cool’. Then I figured it out: ‘Cool’ is all about leather sleeves.
When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws. Only catapults.
I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you’d be like ‘Huh? What the hell is this?’, but if it’s in a fruit basket you’re like ‘This is nice!.
I like clothes, you know. I dig fabrics. One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you’re in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you’re not it does just the opposite. It’s like, ‘Hey, there’s an ****.’ But when you’re in the woods you’re like, ‘Is there an **** out here?’ They look like trees.
Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is the same as saying ‘I apologize.’ Except at a funeral.
They say that you can tell man apart from other animals by his ability to reason. I think you could also go by last names. What’s his name? Patches? Patches what? That’s a dog. Don’t waste my time.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.
Some jokes are short and elegant, like a mathematical proof or a midget in a ballgown.
A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he’s persuasive. ‘Dude make a left.’ ‘Those are trees…’ ‘Trust me.’
I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that’s when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I’d probably just start calling out letters.
_____________________________
Andy Culpepper, luthier
http://www.andyculpepper.com
|
|
|
|
REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |
Date May 7 2009 9:41:39
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts
|
|
|
Forum Software powered by ASP Playground Advanced Edition 2.0.5
Copyright © 2000 - 2003 ASPPlayground.NET |
0.046875 secs.
|
Printable Version
really cool , loved them man, anymore, good work , smiling now
