RE: Most aggressive flamenco guitar? (Full Version)

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estebanana -> RE: Most aggressive flamenco guitar? (Apr. 10 2017 14:33:50)

Sayeth not the name of the Dark Lord in Forodell



Piwin -> RE: Most aggressive flamenco guitar? (Apr. 10 2017 15:16:36)

I'm not 100% sure but from the looks of it this might be a Fernandez from his period in India.
These are extremely rare. The trademark of these guitars is that the glue he used was actually dried blood from a human heart harvested and dried the traditional way during an underground sacrificial ceremony to Kalima. It is said that if you put your ear up against the seams you can hear a faint echo of the wails and gnashing of teeth from the underworld.



Richard Jernigan -> RE: Most aggressive flamenco guitar? (Apr. 11 2017 22:32:48)

quote:

ORIGINAL: estebanana


I'm not doubting your account, but I must inquire in the interests of my research where you had the Fernandez' authenticated? To my knowledge, correct me if I am in error, but Brunoffskavich of Helsinki is the only shop in the world with the expertise to authenticate with absolute certainty.

I would be very interested to hear the in depth the provenancial account behind your Santos Fernandez acquisitions. Can you also speak about the rumors that the early Pre War Santos Fernandez guitars were or are stored in perpetuity in the Jerningan Suites Conservation Lab?


Two of the instruments in question were indeed authenticated by Brunoffskavich, but the attention of the White House was attracted by the appraisal of the third by Alex Jones, a world renowned radio commentator who lives here in Austin.

Jones does not make an effort to play up his guitar expertise. Indeed he attributes it to occult revelations from space aliens. He noticed that the instrument in question was strung up with gut strings, since it was a pre-WW II model.

Upon further consultation with his sources, Jones learned that the strings were not made of sheep gut. Rather they were made from the intestines of a horse ridden during the conquest of Kievan Russia by Genghis Khan's grandson Subotai. This is believed to be a significant source of the guitar's aggressiveness.

The Administration found this information highly significant, and I was approached by a portly gentleman with a thick Slavic accent, saying he was a White House agent. Jones vouched for him.

I was unwilling to sell the gut-strung instrument, but under considerable pressure from the White House agent I offered the other two. The deal went through when Jones was able to secure two further sets of authentic Subotai strings.

I understand that before setting out for Moscow, Tillerson had a couple of lessons with John Kerry, who taught him to play the theme from Lecuona's Malagueña.

RNJ



Gabewolf -> RE: Most aggressive flamenco guitar? (Apr. 12 2017 2:04:39)

Is it not possible, maybe probable, that the adamantium used in Wolverine's claws is in fact made from melted down Santos Fernandez guitars?



estebanana -> RE: Most aggressive flamenco guitar? (Apr. 12 2017 2:13:01)

It could be, but really the truth is that playing Santos Fernandez guitar for a few days makes your nails harder than the talons of a hawk.



Erik van Goch -> RE: Most aggressive flamenco guitar? (Apr. 12 2017 22:18:20)

quote:

ORIGINAL: estebanana

the truth is that playing Santos Fernandez guitar for a few days makes your nails harder than the talons of a hawk.

Quite recently my guitar collection was expanded with some of the guitars that used to belong to of my late father and strange things happened since. For example, the fluffy chicken chicks i bought last weekend to pimp up the upcoming easter mysteriously transformed into fierce raptors in just a couple of days. Obviously i went back to the seller to complain they sold me raptor- rather then chicken chicks but they showed pretty convincing evidence that the chicks sold to me were full blood chickens and nothing but chickens.

In the light of all that turned up about the Santos Fernandez guitars quite recently (and especially above quote) i seriously start to wonder if one of my fathers guitars (being part of my collection for about 5 months now) might actually be a Santos Fernandez. As far as i can tell 2 of them are suspect, the first one is an odd looking guitar i found/bought on a street marked 30 years ago for a tenner and kept at my parents house so far, but that one is probably late 19th/early 20th century so seems to predate the SF guitars, and the other one is from about the period of WWII and was actually what my father believed to be his first classical guitar or actually his second one because the first one, which most likely was an original Torres, turned out to be unplayable and unfortunately had to be sold to be able to buy a more playable instrument which happens to be the guitar i suspect to be a SF. SF or not, right now i suffer some pretty sleeples nights, not so much about the idea of owning a SF (or not) but because those bloody chicken chicks turning into owls look at me with vicious eyes/claws (the one below, identified by a flabbergasted expert as a Siberian Eagle Owl, has claws that are at least as big as my hands).





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Erik van Goch -> RE: Most aggressive flamenco guitar? (Apr. 13 2017 22:24:39)

It seems my last post is getting an unexpected tail, both figuratively as literally. After reading it a secret science company decided to contact me and offered me a substantial amount of money to hand over my rapture mutated chickens and the guitars i mentioned. They told me they were less flabbergasted by my chicken chicks transforming into raptors as the rapture specialist was. As it turned out birds happen to be the closest living relatives of the dinosaurs and they told me T-Rex was actually the dinosaur equivalent of a chicken. This company is pretty sure modern day chickens still have their T-rex roods hidden deep inside their DNA waiting to be kissed awake by nature or by human intervention.

The guy who approached me told me that in the past decennium he and his team had tried to kiss awake those sleeping T-rex genes in modern day chickens hoping that turning these sleeping genes "on" again will restore their matching phenotypes with as the ultimate goal recreating a full grown living T-rex. He told me they had some promising breakthroughs in the lab but nothing so spectacular as my chickens changing into raptors almost overnight. Since my newly obtained life stock could give them invaluable data he offered me a substantial amount of money for my mutated chickens and also wanted to buy the guitars i mentioned. I decided to sell him the chicken raptors for 150.000 but to keep the guitars (obviously i was not willing to sell him my unexpected "goose with the golden eggs").

So my fathers decision to sell/exchange his unplayable Torres guitar for this guitar payed of extremely well since 150.000 can buy me a lot of Torres guitars. Later this day i realized that having my fathers genes it might be wise to invest that money in a smart way (he turned 200,- into 150.000 so why not turn 150.000 into 1.000.000 myself). So i decided to buy myself a chicken farm since i'm convinced that exposing millions of chicken eggs to my guitar under controlled and safe conditions (like a bomb prove cage) will pay back my investment in a week and possibly will make me the first to recreate a full size life T-rex.

As it is i already found myself a retired Spanish businessman who was able/willing to sell me a chicken farm for what he called "a ridiculous prize". Although the farm looked a bit shabby on the photographs he mailed me he convinced me the 150.000 he asked actually was a bargin considering the fact he could also ask 3 times as much. On top he claimed various others were in the market to buy it this very second. When he told me that in the late 70ties he sold an equally "shaggy" pig farm to a famous Dutch businessman for 500.000 dollar (he was not allowed to name this businessman but it was an internationally acclaimed celebrity who referred to this deal in interviews with "this was probably the most lucrative transaction he ever made") i decided this guy seemed trustable enough to hand over my newly obtained fortune. So now i'm the proud owner of a promising chicken farm which will be newspapers headline and a goldmine soon.



sartorius -> RE: Most aggressive flamenco guitar? (Apr. 14 2017 11:08:06)

Beware of video downloaders. They enable people to capture your video and store it on their PC indefinitely.

When you tune the sixth of a guitar into D, it becomes noticeably louder. The seventh string in D is one of other secrets I guess that makes this guitar sound so loud.

There's a guy round here I've known for many years who owns a former Manitas de Plata guitar, the one that is signed by Picasso. His father exchanged it for a Ramirez Flamenca Blanca of the 60's. I saw it a few months ago. It is in very poor state if playable at all as it was caught in a fire in Manitas' trailer in Saintes-Marie de la Mer but the signature is clearly visible and well preserved.



Ricardo -> RE: Most aggressive flamenco guitar? (Apr. 14 2017 15:39:46)

quote:

Beware of video downloaders. They enable people to capture your video and store it on their PC indefinitely.


I anticipated this and imbedded a Trojan for downloaders. Once on the device, it will find your email and send out "chimp rapes frog" to all contacts.



sig -> RE: Most aggressive flamenco guitar? (Apr. 17 2017 20:41:36)

This one:



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jshelton5040 -> RE: Most aggressive flamenco guitar? (Apr. 17 2017 22:27:23)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sig

This one:


A white bridge with black saddle? Do you think the port is large enough? Lovely rosette by the way, the dimension matches the port.



estebanana -> RE: Most aggressive flamenco guitar? (Apr. 17 2017 23:09:50)

Certainly not a Santos Fernandez.



timoteo -> RE: Most aggressive flamenco guitar? (Apr. 18 2017 2:20:06)

quote:

This one:

I thought we weren't mentioning the professor ... next thing you know we'll see a whole new video series, "Secrets of Santos Fernandez, never before seen on the internet".



estebanana -> RE: Most aggressive flamenco guitar? (Apr. 18 2017 2:28:18)

quote:

I thought we weren't mentioning the professor ... next thing you know we'll see a whole new video series, "Secrets of Santos Fernandez, never before seen on the internet".


And I thought North Korean Great Leader Kim Jong-Un was a threat to human kind. He really makes me mad, at least dad was funny and could take a joke. But adding to that, what if NK has an arsenal harnessing the raw power of a Santos Fernandez?

Horror.



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eccullen -> RE: Most aggressive flamenco guitar? (Apr. 18 2017 5:35:03)

The evidence of a North Korean ability to utilize the S Fernandez merely suggests use of archaic technology to create an illusion this Most Aggressive Power.
...yet, the danger could be greater than we realize:



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sig -> RE: Most aggressive flamenco guitar? (Apr. 18 2017 20:42:25)

Hmmm, Andalusional perhaps?



Sr. Martins -> RE: Most aggressive flamenco guitar? (Apr. 19 2017 9:27:23)

quote:

"chimp rapes frog"


But why? [sm=rolleyes.gif]



Ricardo -> RE: Most aggressive flamenco guitar? (Apr. 19 2017 19:55:36)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sr. Martins

quote:

"chimp rapes frog"


But why? [sm=rolleyes.gif]


https://youtu.be/Dt7YiaS-aMI



jg7238 -> RE: Most aggressive flamenco guitar? (Apr. 19 2017 20:25:04)

The most aggressive flamenco guitar ever made was actually an Antonio Morales guitar constructed in Granada. Unfortunately I sold it to purchase Nvidia's latest and greatest GPU.



Erik van Goch -> RE: Most aggressive flamenco guitar? (Apr. 23 2017 12:21:32)

quote:

ORIGINAL: timoteo

quote:

This one:

I thought we weren't mentioning the professor ... next thing you know we'll see a whole new video series, "Secrets of Santos Fernandez, never before seen on the internet".


Actually on the upcoming "exclusive guitar auction" of the online auction site Catwiki someone is offering an "Andalusian Santos Fernandez" look-a-like with the clear intention to make it pass to the less observant buyer as "a real Santos Fernandez" guitar.

https://veiling.catawiki.nl/kavels/11085501-flamenco-guitar-brand-andalusian-guitars-model-santos-hernandez-1927-with-juan-carlos-pick-up-incl-case



Obviously this look-a-like does not pass as a real Andalusian Santos Fernandez for 3 reasons

* Santos Fernandez was already dead when this guitar was claimed to be made
* The label sais "Santos Hernandez" and not "Santos Fernandez"
* The string devision is crap so IT CAN NOT BE produced by Andalusian Guitars (although the reason might be an alteration made by it's precent owner so we have to consult "those in the know" to be sure).

Interesting enough the same auction list a G.L. Panormo guitar made in London in 1857 that seems to have inspired the Andalusian Guitars headstock

https://veiling.catawiki.nl/kavels/11336665-romantic-guitar-g-l-panormo-1857





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