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Miguel de Maria -> Rule 1: No auditions or "meetings" (Jan. 21 2005 17:37:55)
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I have to vent....
I have been playing in Phoenix for about 5 years, mostly as a background musician--you know, the guitar player in the corner during cocktail hour, wedding receptions, business functions, etc. It has suited me well because I used to suffer from extreme stage fright, which i have gradually overcome, and because my playing skills started off rather mediocre and, while improving, are hardly worth a concert. While I have not yet attained a Paco, Segovia, or Todd-like status, I have worked very hard on building and maintaining an impeccable reputation for punctuality and professionalism. I do my job, as a background musician, very well.
Now, one of the resorts called me and wanted me to do a gig. I was already booked, but was able to sub out of that one as a favor to the caterer at the resort. So now I am rebooked for the second date.
I get a call from the caterer, and she tells me that the client wants to "meet" with me...that all the entertainers the client is hiring have to "meet" with them. I say, can you just give them the demo CD I recorded, and the pictures of me that you have, as well as my resume with about 100 different venues I have played at and my client testimonials page?
She said, no they're "weird" and they want to "meet" with all the musicians. I have never had a request such as this. On the spot, I said yes... and now I am steaming that I have done so. The "meeting", I realize is an audition. An audition for the honor of giving up a gig for which I am already booked, an audition for a gig that I was under the impression that I was already booked, an audition for a job for which auditions are not required or conducted.
When you go into business for yourself, as opposed to just working through agencies, you begin to recognize the early signals of bad clients. Bad clients are demanding, cheap, and unpleasant people who want too much, don't want to pay for it, and always end up pissed off at the end. My wife, a lawyer, knows this syndrome well and does not accept bad clients. She has told me that no matter how much money they have, it's never worth it. They are 10x as much work as your other clients, will suck up your time and energy, have completely unreasonable demands, and will usually end up threatening to file a bar complaint or a malpractice suit by the end of the case. The warning signs are there. This is a bad client, all right.
What kind of person books you for a gig, then wants to audition you later? What kind of person demands that a background musician audition, although they have the CD and the pictures and high recommendation? The worst part is that I have already given a fee quote--before I heard about this stinking audition! If I knew the client was a bad client, I would have quoted twice as much money. That is how you handle bad clients...you increase the fee until the point where 1) they dont' want to hire you or 2) the money is actually worth the increased work, time, and unpleasantness.
Many of you (that is, if anyone has read this far) will probably think that I sound rather ornery and lazy about this whole affair. After all, a musician auditioning--imagine that. But I tell you, that's not how it works in this town. You don't ask a caterer to come and set up a half table of food, eat it, and then decide whether you want to hire him. You don't ask a landscaper to clean up your yard and if he does a good job, hire him on for the next week. You don't tell an office worker to sit at a desk and pull a shift and if he looks like he'lll do a good job, put him on the payroll. I am not a starving actor from the countryside staking my dreams on getting onto Broadway, I'm an established (if minor) musician, serving this small niche--and I don't do auditions!!
Calm down, Mike, calm down. You have to learn how to read the signs, and then trust your instincts. When I was waiting tables, the owner told me--"This table is your real estate, the customer is just borrowing it for an hour. You have to be in control, if you let the customer monopolize yoru time, you are dead!" He was a rather flambouyant Mexican, a swinger, and a lazy dictator who ran his restaurant into the ground, but in this he was true.
If you can't listen to my demo, look at my picture, read my repertoire, read my resume, and peruse my testimonials, and make a decision--then you are going to have to look for another background musician (that rhymes). I am just going to have to bend over and go along for the ride on this one, since I already foolishly committed to the "meeting", but Rule 1: is solid--no auditions or meetings (if one is desired, there is a $100 fee payable a the time of performance).
Thank you for letting me vent.
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