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FUNNY SIGNS
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Ramon Amira
Posts: 1025
Joined: Oct. 14 2009
From: New York City
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 FUNNY SIGNS
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Some years ago, I had a friend who traveled the world on business. In every country he went to, in hotels, restaurants, parks, etc., he kept seeing signs and notices written in fractured English. He started copying them down, and compiled a list, which at one point he sent to me. I just came across it rummaging through a pile of old papers. It was very faded, but still just barely legible. This was too good to lose, so I am re-typing the list into WORD.
Given the state the world is in these days, I think we could all use a few laughs. Below is the first page of the list that he had sent to me. I'll post the rest when I can copy them.
- Signs of the Times -
In a Tokyo hotel room: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Japanese hotel room: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel: Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens: Guests are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience we recommend courageous, efficient self-service.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.
In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15.000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
More to come . . . . . 
_____________________________
Classical and flamenco guitars from Spain Ramon Amira Guitars
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REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |
Date Sep. 19 2010 15:07:22
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gj Michelob
Posts: 1531
Joined: Nov. 7 2008
From: New York City/San Francisco
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RE: FUNNY SIGNS ??? by Richard Leder... (in reply to Ramon Amira)
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Prominent Critic, did you make up the story about your friend and you diligently typing these “quotes” from (unless you are or your friend is) Richard Lederer.
Here are the exact same you reported, from the book "Anguished English" by Richard Lederer (1989).
http://www.i18nguy.com/hotelsigns.html
I am glad I checked, how silly of me to give you credit.
***
In a Tokyo Hotel: It is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastary: You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend coureous, efficient self-service.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition af Arts by 15000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.
In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.
_____________________________
gj Michelob
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REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |
Date Sep. 21 2010 21:23:05
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Ramon Amira
Posts: 1025
Joined: Oct. 14 2009
From: New York City
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RE: FUNNY SIGNS ??? by Richard Leder... (in reply to gj Michelob)
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quote:
Prominent Critic, did you make up the story about your friend and you diligently typing these “quotes” from (unless you are or your friend is) Richard Lederer.
MICHELOB –
I assure you I did not make up anything, and did in fact copy these from the list he had sent me many years ago, which preceded that Richard Lederer book. I have the original list he sent me, and would be happy to show it to anyone who would like to see it. As I said elsewhere, one look at the paper it is on would leave no doubt whatever about its age.
I went through this when I posted the list on Delcamp website. I have much better things to do than make up stories for no reason. If I had seen that list elsewhere I could have just posted it – it would still have been just as funny. I copied that from the list that my friend had sent to me around 1985, and he was the original compiler of that list. I have never seen it on the internet or elsewhere, nor have I heard of it since he originally sent it to me.
His sister had sent the list to a travel magazine which published it. Apparently what happened over the years – which I never knew about – was that these had then been picked up and published elsewhere, and so became widely disseminated, and it seems they eventually wound up on the internet, which I guess was inevitable. But my friend, who was actually the brother of my girl friend at the time, was the original compiler of this list.
If anyone wants to read the exchange I had with someone on Delcamp, you can read it here:
http://www.delcamp.us/viewtopic.php?p=573765#p573765
Why on earth would I need to waste my time prefacing my post with a concocted story, when all I had to do was just post this to share it if I had seen it elsewhere - just as many of you have posted it to share it. One of our members has mentioned to me that he will be in New York for a visit, and we hope to get together. I will show him the original list on ancient badly faded paper turning brown.
_____________________________
Classical and flamenco guitars from Spain Ramon Amira Guitars
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REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |
Date Sep. 21 2010 23:20:24
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Estevan
Posts: 1936
Joined: Dec. 20 2006
From: Torontolucía
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RE: FUNNY SIGNS (in reply to Ron.M)
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quote:
That puts me in mind of some of the Japanese electronic equipment Service Manuals.
Or a sales pitch from a Chinese guitar factory (not so much funny language as funny business):
"All of my product are 100% same as the photos, what you see is what you get!
Because our continuously updating, sporadically has a little lack of size or item, We'll tell to you in the first time. For avoid exceptional question, please ensure reply to me before our stock up. Otherwise the order will can't go on wheels. "
"This guitar is of the finest , and yet it is only fraction of the cost that you would normally pay. You may be wondering how such an amazing product could be so cheap, It is possible because it has been manufactured in China. You know that China's work force are very famous, cheaper and quality is very rigorous, so lots of famous Brand CO. Are choose China for a manufacture base, this is why China can have so many, these just are the overproduction, the quality is + + +. so please feel free to put order with us."
MANUEL CONTRERAS Acoustic GUITAR IN NATURAL
Keen observers will note from the label that Manuel Contreras has changed his name to "Floda" (Florian - you in on this?), but "what you see is what you get!" , and:
"We will offer you full refunds only the item you received is different with the description"
_____________________________
Me da igual. La música es música.
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REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE |
Date Sep. 23 2010 16:59:30
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