STOLEN CREDIT CARDS

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STOLEN CREDIT CARDS

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Ramon Amira

Posts: 1025
Joined: Oct. 14 2009
From: New York City

STOLEN CREDIT CARDS

Somebody stole all my credit cards a few weeks ago. But I haven't reported it because the thief is spending less than my wife was.

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REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE | Date Jul. 9 2010 19:19:45

Elie

Posts: 1837
Joined: Apr. 10 2010

RE: STOLEN CREDIT CARDS (in reply to Ramon Amira)

that's it ?

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REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE | Date Jul. 9 2010 19:31:59

Doitsujin

Posts: 5078
Joined: Apr. 10 2005

RE: STOLEN CREDIT CARDS (in reply to Ramon Amira)

LOL! Is that a joke?

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REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE | Date Jul. 9 2010 20:10:13

Arash

Posts: 4495
Joined: Aug. 9 2006
From: Iran (living in Germany)

RE: STOLEN CREDIT CARDS (in reply to Doitsujin)

This is an old school joke.
Please appreciate it.

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REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE | Date Jul. 9 2010 20:15:19

Ron.M

Posts: 7051
Joined: Jul. 7 2003
From: Scotland

RE: STOLEN CREDIT CARDS (in reply to Ramon Amira)

Ah!..so it was a joke..at first I thought it was serious!

I like it!

OK...here's a Clement Freud joke I like...

This guy gets a letter from the Inland Revenue asking him to come down to the Tax Office and be interviewed by the Tax Inspector, since frankly they don't believe all his income is coming from tax-free gambling...and he'd be advised to bring his Lawyer.

So the guy arrives with his Lawyer and the Taxman says...

"You live an extremely extravagent lifestyle and pay zero income tax, with no apparent means of income other than from your gambling...and franky we don't believe it."

"I guess I'm just a good gambler then...for it's true", says the guy....

"In fact, I'll place a bet on with you right now for £1000 that I can bite my left eye"...

The taxman laughs..."That's ridiculous...OK then...£1000...it's a bet!"

So the guy takes his glass eye out, bites it...and pops it back in.

The taxman is infuriated...."Oh..come on ..that's bordering on cheating..", he blusters....

"OK", says the guy...."I'll give you a chance to win your money back.....I bet you I can bite my right eye too....double or quits?"

Now the taxman knows he isn't blind so he thinks about it and agrees...

So the guy takes out his dentures and bites his right eye.

"Damn..damn..damn!", cries the inspector...."two bloody grand I've lost!"

"Never mind", says the guy.."I'll give you a final chance to get your money back..."

So he looks around the room and eventually says..."You see that waste-paper basket against the wall behind your desk?.....I bet I could piss into it from here...
double or quits?"

The tax inspector looks at it...and since it's about 20 feet away...calculates that it's just physically impossible to do and takes the bet.

So the guy stands up, unzips and starts to pee...

But no matter how hard he strains and squeezes, he can hardly even make it over the desk.

The taxman jumps up..."HaHaHa! ...you FAILED!!...I owe you nothing!!....nothing at all!"..and shakes his fists in triumph and dances around the room.

He then notices that the guy's Lawyer is crying...

"What's wrong with him?", he asks...

"Oh"..replies the guy..."I placed a £10,000 bet with him outside that I could come into your office and piss all over your desk...and you'd be happy about it.."

Cheers,

Ron

REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE | Date Jul. 9 2010 20:17:18

Ramon Amira

Posts: 1025
Joined: Oct. 14 2009
From: New York City

RE: STOLEN CREDIT CARDS (in reply to Ramon Amira)

Yes, it was just a joke, but Ron's joke was even better than mine. Speaking of income tax department jokes, I'm a big fan of the Sherlock Holmes stories. I've read all sixty of them more than fifty times each over many years. There's a true anecdote about the Holmes author, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, showing his sense of humor. When he first went into private practice as a doctor, he had hardly any patients. He only made £154 in his first year. When the income-tax paper arrived for that first year, Conan Doyle filled it out to show that he was not liable for any taxes. The authorities returned the form with the words “Most unsatisfactory!” scrawled across it. Conan Doyle mailed it back having written underneath “I entirely agree!”

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REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE | Date Jul. 9 2010 20:46:15

Arash

Posts: 4495
Joined: Aug. 9 2006
From: Iran (living in Germany)

RE: STOLEN CREDIT CARDS (in reply to Ron.M)

here is a modern joke

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REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE | Date Jul. 9 2010 21:00:15

Ron.M

Posts: 7051
Joined: Jul. 7 2003
From: Scotland

RE: STOLEN CREDIT CARDS (in reply to Arash)

Totally disgusting, Arash...

Was that from a modern primary school field-nature trip by any chance?

"He's keeping the frog under his armpit to save for later..."

Oh...I just dunno about the youth of today..

cheers,

Ron

REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE | Date Jul. 9 2010 21:12:35

kovachian

Posts: 506
Joined: Jan. 30 2008
From: Americanistan

RE: STOLEN CREDIT CARDS (in reply to Ramon Amira)

Rape? I think Kermit just bit Curious George's pecker in self-defense.

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REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE | Date Jul. 9 2010 21:33:03

Florian

Posts: 9282
Joined: Jul. 14 2003
From: Adelaide/Australia

RE: STOLEN CREDIT CARDS (in reply to Ron.M)

LOL !

both funny..

Ron ..they had a version of your joke ( just the pissing part) in one of the Desperado movies with Banderas...

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REPORT THIS POST AS INAPPROPRIATE | Date Jul. 9 2010 23:19:14